This evening was like looking into a window of someone else’s life. I was playing the part. I went with the events, and exaggerated my involvement. I baked homemade blueberry bread in the day, and bought ingredients to cook dinner for later. I deep cleaned my apartment and bought new candles. I even bought him…
Today I have it all. Theoretically. Today I should feel like the guy who has it all. I’m financially comfortable, my business is successful & I’ve created a name for myself. This week I had a bunch of medical tests & scans which all came back negative. I spent the entire weekend in the arms…
I’ve cried everyday for the last month. I’m fucking exhausted. Thinking about him, thinking about us. Thinking about what could’ve been. Thinking about what was. Questioning his motives. Questioning mine. Facing the fear that nobody will ever truly love me for me because I’ll never reach the unattainable goal of being the person I’ve created…
I’d been out partying all night, two new friends were visiting Berlin, and during their visit we’d all hooked up now and then. One of them invited me back to his hotel a couple of times, but I politely refused because I simply didn’t feel ready to share a bed with someone. The last night…
I miss you so much And we haven’t yet met My patterns laid out I know what to expect The last one was proof Of this horrible truth That living with love Is less likely than loss He was beauty & kindness enjoyed with a blindness To obvious outcomes I ignored with inertness So I…
Lover, please come back to bed. Remember all those things you said? The promise you’s and see you soons. The beating hearts in distant rooms? I know it’s not ideal or fun But think of all the things to come So take my hand while I am near Come back to bed, I’ll be right…
Love hurts so much. I love love. That’s what a therapist once told me. I love loving things. I love art. I love beauty. I love people. I love love. It’s a blessing and a curse I guess. I fall in the hole of love so quickly. I miss the first step, fall down a…
Copenhagen His face, held in my hands. Nose to nose. His eyes so close. The warmth I feel, my heart stands still, and my head, for just a moment. As if nothing exists, just him and I, a breath between us. His smile. Just slight. It’s bright and yet it fills me with a…
I knew it was going to make me sick. With every sip I thought about my health and the following day. The risk didn’t outweigh the torment of the social anxiety I would feel turning up to a house party full of Strangers for pre-drinks. I drank so I could become someone else. Someone who…