Copenhagen

Copenhagen   His face, held in my hands. Nose to nose. His eyes so close. The warmth I feel, my heart stands still, and my head,  for just a moment. As if nothing exists, just him and I, a breath between us. His smile. Just slight. It’s bright and yet it fills me with a…

Read more

My Social Anxiety

I knew it was going to make me sick. With every sip I thought about my health and the following day. The risk didn’t outweigh the torment of the social anxiety I would feel turning up to a house party full of Strangers for pre-drinks. I drank so I could become someone else. Someone who…

Read more

The 8 Instructions

I’d just moved into my new accommodation after a last minute extended trip here in Berlin. It was the first time I’d been alone in a while so I sat down and opened Grindr. We all know those kind of nights. I got chatting to a few guys but overall nothing really took my fancy…

Read more

The Shop Fire

I opened my emails to do the hourly ritual amongst friends of discreetly checking your updates incase anything important lies amongst the nonsense that might need your attention. I scroll through and come across an email from PayPal – ‘Your Account Has Been Limited’. My heart sunk and I started shaking. Everything around me blurred…

Read more

The Show Must Go On

I feel a rare sense of relief when I am on the brink of being sacked from a job. I have a serious dislike for authority, and mixed into a cocktail with my anger for mistreatment, injustice, and generally bad organisation or unnecessary wasting of my time, and I’m like a Catherine Wheel at a…

Read more

My New Friend, Liam

I got back to my hotel room after a really long day of rehearsals. I felt totally drained and mentally exhausted after a day of nonsensical tomfoolery you find on a rehearsal set for a commercial involving large groups of dancers. It all felt so pointless and wasteful, of money, talent, and time. I’d set…

Read more

It’s Over

As I looked down at his face straining to squeeze all of my cock into his mouth, I knew it was over. I’d been seeing my ex on and off again for a while. We’d be going for dinner and hanging out, and it’d been really sweet, same as usual, tactile and loving. Same conversations,…

Read more

The Weinstein Trigger

These recent Weinstein revelations had me thinking about sexual harassment, assault, and rape, and how it can happen so subtly that you don’t even realise it’s happening until it’s already too late to defend yourself. Women have had to deal with this treatment for centuries, it’s something I know most of the women in my…

Read more

陰茎

My downfall My living My distraction’s not forgiving An existence I battle it’s my core that you rattle I live through your needs Your skin and your seeds an addiction I see In you and in me The choices I make I despair and I ache After you’ve partied And ate all the cake I’m…

Read more

A Dancer

The future of an ex dancer is a blurry one. We slowly stop using the muscles that pushed the skeleton to deform itself, and when we stop using them the way we trained them to work, they atrophy, and the bones no longer have the support to hold the deformity. People see dancers as dreamers,…

Read more

Real Life

Last night, shortly after I went to bed I woke up to horrendous stomach cramps. I was curled up in a ball on my bed wondering what drug I could take to ease the pain. I popped a couple of paracetamol, an omeprazole and even considered taking a tramadol. All respect for dignity went out…

Read more

The Funny Affair

After arriving in Barcelona, to my beautiful apartment in Eixample, I was excited. Excited to see the city, visit the beach, taste the food, but mainly, taste the men. After a few days at my new place, a cute local boy offered to come over and make me food at my place. He introduced me…

Read more

Unbeautiful

Never have I felt beautiful. I think the last time I truly ever believed that I was beautiful was when I was 12 years old. A picture of me smiling, happy, before I started puberty. The innocence of youth beaming in my face. I think I looked pretty. From there it seemed to go downhill,…

Read more

Experiment

You see this? This is an experiment  All gaze on me To the detriment  Living in the lens  Is an element  Of the 80s  And the millennium  You can judge the things you see It’s a relationship between you & me Just know that I see the things that you see The judgement is a…

Read more

Shower

Cold water running in my veins At least that’s what they say I run the heat to hide my face Re-energise the snails pace A coffee, love, can hold me dear But hot waters always running near A quiet trickle, sliding through My body’s always thanking you I feel it washing over me Through my…

Read more

Mine

(feat. in the new film ‘Mine’ shown in the ‘art films’ members area) The valleys and the waterfalls The rivers and the lakes The rough parts and the smooth parts And the filling in the cakes I lick my lips and feel the surface The imperfections over For bits of me will drop & fall…

Read more

La La Life

After dealing with the nerves of ordering a glass of red wine for myself, and then battling my internal social issues to make my way through the bar to take a seat by myself, I’m now in a safe place. Sat, on my phone, drinking wine. Not making human interaction. As alone as I would…

Read more

LA – The Outpatient

Written in Starbucks – West Hollywood – October 2015. I think if I stayed in LA for long enough my brain would atrophy or I would develop an insidious mental illness. Before I came here I was on my travels to New York. A journey to escape heartache, as one does, jumping on a plane,…

Read more

You Make Me Nervous

My hair always goes limp in the heat. My hair sticks to my forehead and the sweat makes my roots curly. I was trying to fix this as I walked through the blisteringly hot streets of Bushwick. There was a mixture of smells in the air, an overpowering and lingering smell of garbage and a…

Read more

Do I or Don’t I?

I always have a tonne of inner conflict. It’s why I’ve never committed to getting a tattoo or a dog. I change my mind so often and spend a lot of my time alone overthinking all my life decisions and send myself into a state of mania. When I started this site I had a…

Read more

Sex And Control

My online presence makes sex a bit of a minefield. There’s nothing worse than asking your hook up to hand you a towel and he says, ‘it’s so weird to finally be in the room I’ve seen on instagram so much.’ I mean seriously, it makes me want to scream GET OUT MY HOUSE. It’s…

Read more